Disappointment arrived instead of you
Where were you?
Where was I?
Neither here nor there
tis be true, tis be true
Side by side, step by step
We are together
Though the beating of my heart is discernible to anyone
Yours’ is much less clear
This music within the noise
We finally speak to each other,
I by the front, you by my side
You chuckle, I laugh
Maybe this time you see the difference in my eyes
Maybe this time you see the desire in my eyes
They asked my purpose of travel
I spoke to them of my ancestors
They inquired where I was planning to stay
I related to them scriptural passages in detail
They queried me as to the duration of my trip
I admitted to them many lifetimes
They thought I was in Israel
I told them Israel was in me
- Brandon Marlon
Your smile haunts me
I walk away with a presence
though the chance small
would I, by any chance
haunt you just the same?
He lit a fire
walked away
its burning the house
-for every traveler-whether by free-will, or fate; either inside or out-whether searching for hope or escaping from injustice, whether robbed of their natural home after thousands of years or rejected by ’society’, and unable to compromise …and for the birds who so defiantly, so beautifully built their nest in a tree in the heart of Belfast, in the midst of all the violent turmoil tension-to speak of love-of hope-of trust-
-Michael
Today as the sudden winter melted to a sudden spring, the air loosing its chill and the birds chirping full of joy, I wondered when I would meet Michael again.
He is amazing. I haven’t yet met a person of this magnitude who drains of me my speech, this considered my only expression of admiration. The truth though a little less enthralling is that I have only met Michael in my mind, or more so I create our initial meeting conversations in my mind, where I am spilling the thesaurus’ adjectives in every sentence: “Your music is exceptional., Your words are exquisite., Your pauses wonderful.”
Its quite a story how he keeps me up at night: One day, exiting the OISE building after 3 hours of dialogue french, I hear a sound I was not familiar with. That night was not like any other night, the air thick with humidity, the street lights had orbs of moisture surrounding them. I heard this heavenly harp sweep across me like a giant wave of cold sea water. It was refreshing but sudden. But the suddenness played with me. At first I wandered around trying to find where it was coming from. I couldn’t and the night becoming darker and my stomach growling for a meal, I left dejected. I kept playing back the scene I most loved the feeling of refreshment on a sticky hot june day.
The next time I saw him. But he was far away and I wasn’t sure it was him, again a friend was waiting and I had to leave.
But finally a few weeks ago, a friend lent me his CD, and I am very happy. At last I have some of his music playing in my vicinity, surrounding me. The music relaxing and the words philosophical.
The little blue man with the tufts of white, heavenly hair who plays the harp on the streets of Toronto, has rendered me speechless.
I can’t seem to upload his songs, but I can always email to you, so just give me a shout!
You keep me restless at night
hither and thither I move
Uncomfortable in my bed
watching the lonely lazy shadows
move across the sky
I get up to reach for the light switch,
yet fall back believing this darkness be companion
to my undreamt dreams
instead I flip through these pages to write these words
Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 16 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 16 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.
Iffat, thanks for the tag.
1.) People have always thought I was from somewhere else. I have been asked on many occasions if I were Indian, Philippino, Trinidadian.
2.) I can’t dance but sing/hum one song a million times especially advertisement jingles.
3.) I love veggies with all my heart that I decided to convert about 4 years ago to only eating them. In the process of conversion, abstaining from meat, my mother has tried many tactics to hide the meat, in cutlets. She gave up only about 6 months ago.
4.) I have lived in Canada for the past 17 years and every year I complain how cold it is and every year I complain how short summer is.
5.) Walking has become a passion of mine. One summer day a friend and I walked 10.4 km in about 1.5 hours, from downtown to where we live. To date I haven’t bought the metropass and enjoy my walks around the city. I can walk anywhere but ask me to drive is like putting a compass in a MRI machine, I loose my sense of direction.
6.) Oblivious to everything, I remember exclaiming in front of friends how little the surprise gift had cost only realizing that I had thought that aloud.
7.) On two separate times, I have dropped cellphones into coffee, this is a true story. One was my own, it was alive about an hour later and the other time it died a cruel death. I cried after that.
8.) 4 years ago I worked for an all women’s gym next to my house, a woman came up to me and told me her husband had read an article on how gym-goers in the US were contracting horrible skin diseases from the machines, she went on to say that she wouldn’t get any because there was an employee that always kept the machines really clean. She was talking about me. I didn’t know how to take this.
9.) One broken leg, 7 stitches and 4 teeth removed for braces have been the major health-related issues I have met. The broken leg healed well, the stitches left a scar on my right eyebrow and the braces were basically a waste of money.
10.) In the 90’s lightening shoes were really all the rage for your standard 6 to 8 yr old. I had a pair that I wore for exactly 3 weeks after that they were stolen from my cubbie hole at school. When I was 10, I lost my watch and told my mother the wind took it. Today I obsess about not losing things.
11.) In contrast to number 10, I have found other people’s things, wallet and cell phone, and made a concerted effort to return the lost item to them. On returning one man’s wallet, I was on the phone telling him how I had found it and when the conversation ended, a student next to me turned to exclaim that the wallet belonged to him. I thought he was whack arguing I had just talked to the guy that it belonged to. The cellphone was easier to return to the owner.
12.) My father’s father was a tea taster for the ceylon tea company and my mother’s father worked for the Sri Lankan Harbour. My father’s mother died at 75 in the middle of the 95 displacement, we still don’t know how she died or when. My mother’s mother is only 16 yrs older than my mother which I think is absurd. I would like to meet all these people in one room.
13.) You will never see me without my agenda, writing utensil and a ring on my middle finger, left hand. I have all my agendas since I was 12 yrs old. I have written poetry to quotations to drawings in all of them. My favourite pens have always been hotel freebees, I don’t know why but they are the only one’s that actually work in my opinion, that is they preform their art simply and don’t complicate with twist caps or clickers. I can’t leave the house without a ring on my left hand, and also a watch. It has become almost as me as putting on my glasses.
14.) I have been told to have a phone voice at a call centre I used to work for. At this very centre, I had the longest recorded phone conversation, 1 hour and some minutes. The person on the other end told me her life story before I asked her to become an annual donor. She asked I send her some more information. This reminds me of another call: I called someone to ask for a Mr.Bates. The caller said there was no one by that name but I could talk to masturbates. They hung up before I could tell them about our annual campaign, darn!
15.) Making things is really cool. I have made scarves and would like to start knitting my own side bag. My favourite art project to date has been my apple men. Dehydrated apple with my mother’s make-up, they are the most interesting things to look at and feel.
16.) Picture-taking is my newest hobby, I don’t call it photography for the simple reason of, I’m not really trying to do anything, no playing with light or trying a new lens, no its simple just picture-taking. So if you are on flickr, I’m beautiful floating lotus.
If I were ever asked what to take to my next life it would be all my memories. All of them, clear and picturesque, they have served as many things: tools, lessons, lies, truths. They reside slowly and peacefully amongst my everyday thoughts and emotions. I have of course erased or forgotten some but for the most part my memory has indeed served its purpose and served me well thus far. My memories have indeed found good homes here too, written and then read, read, read. This is important as memories are only able to leave one and enter another if they are shared. These memories I would like to share:
At 10 years old, my life up to that point wasn’t exceptionally interesting: I had lived a mediocre life, went to public school, rode the bus. But I had an interesting perspective at that age, I remember our 5th grade teacher asking us, “why people smoked?”
I distinctively remember my hand shooting up and being picked first to answer: “People smoked because they wanted to keep warm in the winter.” At this the 5th grade class did not hesitate to laugh whole-heartedly. I looked around, fearing I had just farted. My teacher chuckled too: “That’s a great answer Geetha, but let’s see if other people would like to answer. Hands again flew up. I learned that day no answer was stupid but some answers were of course ridiculously stupid, but it hasn’t stopped me from putting out my ideas. I hope that warmed you up on this chilly day.
This next memory was when I was really young, I don’t really remember the day or the circumstance but I remember that I was there and now I’m here memory intact.
The closest McDonald’s to our house was within walking distance, but yet we only went there when it was an occasion. My parents would order two happy meals and split a big mac. But more than the food and everything else, it was the play pen that I remember. It had a twisty slide and ladders and excitement was written all over. The ball pool was of course the main attraction. The slide being the way to get into it. My favourite part was going down the slide and landing on top of so many coloured balls. I held my breath at every dive just like in a real pool. This is what makes this memory exceptional, I made sure nostrils covered and breath held, now I was ready to dive. I hope this too, brought warmth to your cheeks and laughter to your lips.
